Society has reached a new low. The once romantic concept of ‘having someone to grow old with’ has been put into a blender, set to ‘liquify’ and left under the care of a curious child (society) who gets pleasure out of watching it slowly spin into oblivion. With the explosion in the last decade of support/fear over the issue of marriage equality, we’ve unconsciously lead ourselves into a frenzy over when/where/how we will meet OUR “one & only.” It’s all anyone talks about anymore. The “Perfect Proposal” guy, the “Marriage Isn’t For You, it’s for Obama (or whatever)” guy, the “I got married when I was 18 and now I’m 50 and I’m still smarter than you” lady… JUST STOP. As a 26 year old male being pressured by 7 Billion people (half of which are women) to ‘get my shit together or you’ll die lonely’ I have to admit, i’m hating the idea of marriage more and more. It’s insufferable the amount of articles I come across every day that are in some way, shape or form telling me that I should get married. “15 reasons not to have high expectations for your future wife.” “15 ways to be a good husband.” “You have more than one soul mate, probably like 15.” When will I see an article about how it’s completely OK to die alone in my SWEET house that I was able to afford because I never got married and didn’t have to worry about supporting my family? When will I see an article about 15 ways to be single and not hate myself for feeling like an outcast when I’m 40 and not having committed my life to a woman? It’s hard enough for me to get a girl to go on a second date anymore with the growth in what I call SDASD (short dating attention span disorder); let alone getting a woman to spend the next 60 years watching me die. In line with my — and many others — frustrations surrounding the subject of marriage, I made a list of 15 reasons not to feel pressed to get married:
1. You’re Probably Too Young Anyway
Studies have shown that the human brain doesn’t completely develop until the age of 30. Development = changes. That means the person you fell in love with when you were at that sweet college kegger probably won’t be that same sexy beer pong enthusiast once you reach the age of presidential eligibility (that’s 35, FYI.)
2. Cause Jesus
If I hear one more person say that no marriage can be successful without the presence of Jesus Christ I’m going to kill a priest. Maybe you’re religious, maybe you’re not. I’m not. Someday that may change. Convincing me that the only path to a successful marriage is through Jesus is not only going to simultaneously make me hate the idea of marriage AND religion, it’s also making me hate you. Just stop.
3. You’re Probably Going To Kill Your Kids
We’re a generation of selfish idealists with little more than an inward understanding of what having responsibility means. If you rely on your web-browser to ‘memorize’ your Facebook login, you probably aren’t going to be the best at remembering to feed a helpless human being.
4. Your In-Laws Are Going To Hate You
Remember how it took you like 5 years to convince your parents that your totally incredible/unique idea was going to be this great up-start and make you a million dollars but you still work at a bar to pay your rent until you find an ‘investor’? Try convincing someone else’s parents. Especially someone else’s parents who have been married for 30 years and hate each other and like to project their own marital issues onto others (that ones a freebie).
5. Your Significant Other Is Going To Die
I get sad when I find a half eaten slice of pizza in the garbage that CLEARLY still has the capability to make someones stomach feel loved. How am I supposed to deal with the loss of another human being with whom I’ve shared my warmest memories?
6. Couples Therapy
It’s inevitable. People grow apart. But since you made a promise to love and cherish one another FOR EVER you’ll eventually be forced by your significant other to try and “fix things.” Since you made the wrong decision and married an asshole - and since everyone in our generation KNOWS that they’re always right cause internet - you’ll have to talk to someone else’s asshole husband/wife in order to reach a compromise that will inevitably result in further frustration and end in divorce.
7. There Are Plenty Of Other Fish In The Sea
Seriously. There are. As mentioned in the “Couples Therapy” section above, the odds of you choosing the wrong partner are pretty likely. You can listen to all the advice in the world telling you to marry for love and not for money or looks or status, but at the end of the day our habits of indulgence and immediate fulfillment leave many of us with an inability to differentiate between love and lust. Case and point: I love my couch, but I’ll probably fall in love with my friends couch after I spend a drunken night drooling over it.
8. You’re Gonna Get Fat
I have a hard time with body image. A lot of people do because we’re programmed to by the government and TV and blah blah blah. Why would you want a human voice besides your own telling you what’s wrong with your body as it ages and falls apart? You’re better off marrying a treadmill. At least then you don’t have to listen to it passively make you feel ashamed while you’re eating ice cream from the container in the other room.
9. Sex Is Good
Not that being single guarantees a regular dosage (trust me, I know) but literally every source of intelligence regarding the subject at length indicates that sex ceases or becomes a tool of manipulation in most marriages. I’ve never been married so I don’t know this if this is true, but why would I want to find out?
10. That “It’s A Tax Write-Off” Argument
The sheer fact that anyone has ever tried to convince their significant other/friend/mailman or themselves that marriage is better for tax purposes is an astonishingly unattractive perk of the subject.
11. Weddings Are Expensive
Why not just invest that $50,000 in that up-start you were so passionate about earlier? I’m not sure on the scientific validity here but I’m pretty sure a failed business attempt hurts a whole lot less than a failed marriage. Plus you’ll probably get to keep the furniture.
12. You’ll Never Be Alone Again - Like Really Though
Imagine for a moment that you come home from a long day of work. You’re sitting on your porch on a sunny spring afternoon with a cool beverage and a million thoughts you’re trying to make sense of and regain your center. Maybe later on you plan to watch some Netflix or sing along to the entire U(r)sher discography. Now imagine someone wanting to talk to you and hear about your day and pick the Netflix and listen to Miley Cyrus. UGH. WORST.
13. The Vanilla Sky Scenario
If you’re not familiar with the film Vanilla Sky, reassess your life. One of the greatest films of all times (yes, ‘times’). What if you meet the human of your dreams and (in this scenario) get married and then a bunch of shit goes down that results in you being frozen and living in a dream state and it turns into a nightmare and you finally decide to wake up and that person is long dead? Alright, this one is a bit far-fetched, but seriously. That would SUCK. SO. HARD.
14. Marriage Equality
There are people out there claiming that they “refuse to get married” until it’s legal for everyone. While I am 100% in support of human AND marriage equality, the use of “marriage boycott” as a counter-attack in a civil rights effort is questionable at best. Even the music industry is cashing in on the issue (congrats on the gold record, Macklemore). If you don’t wanna get married, just admit it; don’t try and turn it into a political statement. It’s just as embarrassing to our society as the mummies running Washington.
15. You’ll Never Find Love
If you happen to have gotten through this entire list and thought to yourself “yeah, but I wanna” then more power to you. If you’re meant to fall in love and spend the rest of your life with an amazing partner, it’ll happen. But it has to happen naturally. If there’s one piece of advice about love and marriage that I actually believe is worth a shit, it’s this: “You don’t find love, love finds you.” I’m not ‘looking’ or ‘waiting’ for anything/anyone anymore. You shouldn’t either. Be happy being by yourself first. Love will grace(destroy) your life eventually.
I know I’m supposed to be the optimistic “everything will be ok” guy but It’s getting really hard not to give up and go home.
I’m currently driving a rental car across Kansas after spending an incredible (but short) week with my family at my sister’s place in Colorado. I only get to see them once or twice a year so I always soak it up. This is the first time I’ve driven instead if flying and must admit that although I’m exhausted, I’m grateful for the quiet trip that I can use to reflect and really think. Now, since I don’t assume that a large group of people actively seek out knowledge of my day-to-day well being, I’ll address this directly to you. The person who’s curiosity at *THIS moment somehow brought you to my blog.
It’s easy to passively gather info regarding someone’s psyche or state of mind by glancing at their twitter or Facebook updates. In fact, one may even be tempted to form an opinion of another’s personality or demeanor via this means. I hope to god that’s not the situation in my case; mostly due to the fact that most of my tweets and statuses are poorly developed one-liners begat from my over-active mind. I’ve always thought of myself as a positive guy with nothing but good things to say about the world and people around me. But I guess I’ve failed at conveying that through the microscope that is social media. So, in an effort to rekindle that positive presentation that you may or may not recollect; here’s the update:
In April my band Farewell Fighter announced that we had signed a record deal with a small label. This news was exciting to me not because “we got signed” but because at the time leading up to the deal, we weren’t sure we’d be able to be a band much longer. If you’re a fan/were a fan, you know we’ve been through some shit. A lot of shit. It was getting hard to balance the back breaking work and financial responsibility that comes with being in an unsigned band AND my life essentials. But at the core of what makes me thankful that we didn’t call it quits when we could have - and probably should have - are the new songs. There are some people living in dire need of reassurance that there is a purpose to keep living. And without coming off as “self-serving” I think our new music needs to heard by those who need it most. FF has always been about hope and happiness in the face of adversity. The new songs on our full length record (coming out in early August) capture this in the exact way that I intended from the start. I’m still excited about the future of that band.
In an ironic turn of events, during the process of writing the latest FF record, I wrote some songs that began as concepts for that project but bloomed into something totally different. After we picked the songs for the record I had a whole bunch left over. Since the style was something totally different altogether, I figured I would develop them and explore the new turn my writing had taken. Shortly After I developed a few of the tracks, I met Alison Ariel. We had a mutual friend and I knew she could sing so I asked her to record the vocals to the songs (my voice didn’t exactly fit the new style). Shortly after we began working together, one of our songs was heard by a licensing placement agent who thought we’d be a good fit for a project they were working on with a big client. Before I knew it we were writing an original song for Coca Cola to use in a global partnership they’re launching with Spotify this summer. It transpired so quickly that we didn’t even have a name for the project when we were signing the paperwork. We decided to call the band Bear Scout (http://www.facebook.com/bearscoutofficial) and have some incredible things coming up that I can only imagine that if you’re still reading this you’ll shit when you know.
In short I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m happy and still hard at work achieving my goals, albeit in a slightly different direction than I had originally planned. Then again I guess that’s kind of the beautiful thing about life.
You never know what happens next.
It’s raining. I’m sitting in my apartment alone listening to some songs the world hasn’t heard yet. Songs I poured my heart and soul into. The lyrics have never been so true. I’m feeling something I’ve never felt before. An excitement and a sadness all at the same time. It’s something I can neither explain nor comprehend. The only comparison would be to imagine hugging a lifelong friend one last time before you board an airplane bound for a new life but not knowing if you’ll ever see them again. All I can assume is that something very important is going to happen soon. Whether it be an important thing for me personally, or for someone who has been in my life in the past few years, I know something big is on the horizon. And I can’t wait to know if it’s something good.
I hope it’s something good.
If I wrote a blog every time I needed to express something in my head or heart I’d have as many paragraphs as there are seconds in the day. Then again, the sad fact is that the world I live in isn’t one that really prefers to partake in information via any form other than pop songs or viral videos. More and more these days it seems like the feelings we have are becoming validated or diminished by the amount of ‘notes’ it receives in the digital world. I guess that makes the importance of simple text blogs that much more meaningful to those who actually take the time to read them. Fortunately, for those who prefer the prior, in this instance I don’t plan to make any sort of intellectual or introspective allocation of logic toward worldly mysteries or physiological abnormalities pertaining to ones life. Therefore, those who choose to skip this tiny little drop in the ocean of social networking drool won’t be missing anything epic or life changing. I’m of no more importance than yourself, nor is the opposite true. But sometimes its nice to feel like we are, right? Sometimes it’s nice to know that there’s nobody else in the world like us. Nobody else who can do or think or act the way we do. Even so, it’s hard to understand why sometimes in this life we meet people who can be so cruel to those around them. Love is both seemingly the simplest and most complex of human emotions. To fall in love with someone during the veritable roller-coaster of life is almost as unavoidable as the conclusion of that very same ride. Yet, when you consider the amount of destruction and hate that exists on this self indulgent planet, it becomes difficult to deduce the reason behind ones inability to love each and every other living counter-part that roams this globe. Why is it so hard to find beauty in someone who is of a different color, size, shape or cultural background? To say that I believe this question to be “the point of life” would be a stretch. But I do believe it’s a claim worth putting a little thought into. The truth is, to find hard logic behind any act of hate would be as ignorant as the perpetrator in said act. As subjective as a silly thing like ‘logic’ can be, I tend to believe that life is like a multiple choice quiz. Some questions may very well have an ‘all of the above’ answer.
We are all alive. We are all dying. We all bleed. We all laugh. We all cry. We all want to be something. We all want to be loved.